Happy New Year 2011: OK. Just like last year*, let’s skip this one.
I mean come on, look back at 2010 and tell me what you see :
January – the health care reform passed, Obama reveals all his
preexisting conditions, including allergy to
Portuguese water dogs and FOX News
February – winter olympics : Michael Phelps wins all events not run by Usain Bolt but fails at the femininity tests
March – Benedict XVI proclaims Vlad III the Impaler a Saint for his resistance to the Ottoman Empire and his knowledge of Latin
April – Burj Dubai is completed under the name Burj Abu Dhabi
May – Ayatollah Khamenei dies but not before nominating his successor : “Iran needs a hardcore fundamentalist who can exceed his powers and fix a ballot, and no one seemed more qualified than Ayatollah George W. Bush”
June – One year later, a goose
moonwalks over Michael Jackson’s grave. The grave itself has already moonwalked 10 yards in the direction of Beverly Hill’s preschool.
July – Brasil wins the FIFA World Cup, defeating England in the semi finals and Cameroon in the finals. Meanwhile, no one notices the Second Dip (50% shaved off Shanghai
Stock Exchange overnight).
August – China invades Afghanistan to relieve US troops. Russia invades Xinjiang to relieve Chinese troops. India invades England to relieve former Russian billionaires.
September – on the eve of Yom Kippur, Israel completes its wall around Palestine and accepts the independence of that square meter in the middle of the desert.
October – 50 years after Khrushchev, Sarkozy bangs his shoe at the UN. On Ban Ki-moon’s head because he made a joke about his height.
November – US midterm elections evenly splits the congress : 1/3 Democrats, 1/3 Republicans, 1/3 Palinian Theocrats
December – Glenn Beck in Oslo to accept his Nobel Peace Prize : “gee… it’s a bit premature… unless you give it to me so that I don’t have to implement my program”
BERLIN – Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie and Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck say they're touched and honored to be nominated for several Golden Globe awards for their film "The Tourist." The three were in Berlin for the premiere Tuesday of the film that was nominated for best picture, best musical comedy actor and actress. Depp, who was also nominated for his role in "Alice in Wonderland" said he was"very touched by the double nomination. Jolie said the acknowledgment was an honor, then added "we were laughing because it's the first time that I've been in the comedic category so it's new for me." German director von Donnersmarck said he was happy with the nomination for "The Tourist," his second film, which opened in the U.S. last week to generally poor reviews.
