Happy New Year 2011: OK. Just like last year*, let’s skip this one.
I mean come on, look back at 2010 and tell me what you see :
January – the health care reform passed, Obama reveals all his preexisting conditions, including allergy to Portuguese water dogs and FOX News
February – winter olympics : Michael Phelps wins all events not run by Usain Bolt but fails at the femininity tests
March – Benedict XVI proclaims Vlad III the Impaler a Saint for his resistance to the Ottoman Empire and his knowledge of Latin
April – Burj Dubai is completed under the name Burj Abu Dhabi
May – Ayatollah Khamenei dies but not before nominating his successor : “Iran needs a hardcore fundamentalist who can exceed his powers and fix a ballot, and no one seemed more qualified than Ayatollah George W. Bush”
June – One year later, a goose moonwalks over Michael Jackson’s grave. The grave itself has already moonwalked 10 yards in the direction of Beverly Hill’s preschool.
July – Brasil wins the FIFA World Cup, defeating England in the semi finals and Cameroon in the finals. Meanwhile, no one notices the Second Dip (50% shaved off Shanghai Stock Exchange overnight).
August – China invades Afghanistan to relieve US troops. Russia invades Xinjiang to relieve Chinese troops. India invades England to relieve former Russian billionaires.
September – on the eve of Yom Kippur, Israel completes its wall around Palestine and accepts the independence of that square meter in the middle of the desert.
October – 50 years after Khrushchev, Sarkozy bangs his shoe at the UN. On Ban Ki-moon’s head because he made a joke about his height.
November – US midterm elections evenly splits the congress : 1/3 Democrats, 1/3 Republicans, 1/3 Palinian Theocrats
December – Glenn Beck in Oslo to accept his Nobel Peace Prize : “gee… it’s a bit premature… unless you give it to me so that I don’t have to implement my program”
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